V is for
by hotforteacher
Summary: How many words can you come up with that start with the letter V? Our favorite couple tries to figure it out! One-shot, maybe! Rated for naughty words!
1. V

**Hi there! This idea came to me when I was about to go to sleep and I couldn't get it out of my brain! So here it is! Thanks to Franella for reading over it! You rock girl! I don't own nothing, damn it! Enjoy!**

**Rated for a couple of naughty words!**

_(italic words)_ = the author's (or mine) input

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Cal came whistling into Gillian's office. He noticed that she was working very hard at something. "Whatcha doin'?"

She lifted her head and exclaimed, "I am trying to come up with words that begin with the letter V! What's it to you?"

He lifted his hands in the air and said very snooty-like, "I'm just wondering. I was going to ask if you needed any help but I will go annoy someone else. Wonder if Clara is here?"

Gillian exhaled dramatically and said, "Well, if you must help me, then you must. It is up to you, you can either help me or go play tonsil hockey with Clara." Gillian looked at Cal. He was not leaving so she went on, "So far I only have volleyball." _(Seriously!)_

Cal sat in the chair in front of her desk and rolled his eyes, "That is all you have?" He thought about it for a couple of seconds and then said, "You know, volleyball is a pretty cool word. Really anything with the word 'ball' in it is cool in my dictionary."

Gillian lifted her head and said, "Why don't we make a list of all the cool V words and lame V words." She started to scribble down, "Volley_ball_ under cool." She made sure to emphasize the word 'ball'.

Cal snapped his fingers, "How about veterinarian?"

Gillian looked up like she remembered something and said, "You know I dated a veterinarian once. Every time we would have sex and he came, he would howl like a dog. So I would put that under the lame column."

"You know, I dated a veterinarian and—''

"Yeah, yeah, who cares?" Gillian's eyes lit up. "How about vagina?" _(Hehe)_

Cal's eyes lit up too, but then they got even bigger. He was probably horny. "That's a good one." He scooted closer to her desk and pointed to the cool column. "That is definitely cool! Vaginas are the epitome of cool. Why aren't you putting vagina under cool?" He was starting to whine.

Gillian pursed her lips and asked, "Well should we put vaginas in general or do you have a specific vagina in mind?"

Cal swallowed hard, "Well for the sake of this list, we should put vaginas in general."

Gillian dramatically sighed "Okay" and wrote 'vaginas (general)' under the cool column.

"How about vodka?" Cal said.

Gillian thought for a moment and said, "Vodka is for pussys but because it's alcohol I will put it under cool." Before she did that, she looked at Cal and said in a secretive voice, "How about you go get the scotch from your office while I put vodka under cool?"

Cal clapped his hands and skipped out of her office. After a minute he came back _(still skipping, might I add)_ with a bottle of scotch and two glasses. "To bad scotch doesn't start with the letter V." They drank in silence.

After Gillian finished her second glass she said, "Alright, let's get back to business."

Again, Cal's eyes got wide, only because he was horny. "Umm… oh I got it! Vampires!"

Gillian made a stank face, "Are you fucking kidding me? We have enough of this vampire shit going around! I can't even go to Burger King without seeing those stupid vampires! Now we have to put it on this list? Hell no, it is going in the lame column!"

Cal crossed his legs, "Well actually Edward is the vampire and Jacob is a werewolf. Or is it the other way around?" Gillian was looking at him like he had just lost his marbles. "Emily is into that stuff, okay? She read the books and went to go see the movies. Don't hate!"

Gillian simply said, "Lame!" She then remembered, "How about Ace Ventura! He is definitely under the cool column." She then decided to imitate the bathroom scene when he was all wet. _(Ha! That was a pretty funny scene!)_

Cal looked confused, "Don't know what in the hell you are talking about woman."

She looked at him incredulously, "What the French toast? Funniest movie of all time!" She then laughed, "I saw that movie with the veterinarian!" They both busted out laughing. "How about we move this to the couch? My back is starting to hurt. Plus how else are we going to get close if there is a desk between us?" Cal nodded vigorously.

Once they moved everything, Cal said, "Here's something kinky, voyeurism." His smile became coy and his eyes got "big" again. _(Wow, this man knows how to get horny)._

Gillian said, "That isn't kinky, that is freaky. I LIKE IT! COOL COLUMN!" Cal's eyes weren't the only things getting bigger. _(**cough, cough** I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with Venus!)_

Gillian snapped her fingers, "I can't believe I didn't come up with this sooner; Van Halen! You know, they are a very privileged band."

"Why is that? They have a lot of money? They have a very talented guitar player?"

Gillian shook her head, "Nope, they got to see my tits. So they definitely go under the cool column."

Cal started to get mad, "How come I have never seen your tits; or your vagina for that matter? I have saved your life on numerous occasions." He folded his arms and pursed his lips, "I think I deserve it."

Gillian looked around, leaned in and quietly whispered, "Cal that will be happening at the end of this story. Don't you remember?"

Cal hit his head with his hand and quietly whispered back, "I forgot; my bad." They straightened up and Cal coughed. _(It sounded like fake cough). _"Umm, Van Halen is good. How about vanilla!" They both looked at each other, smirked and nodded their heads.

Gillian wrote vanilla under the cool column, "I rub vanilla lotion all over my body. It smells intoxicatingly good." She wiggled her eyebrows.

Cal's "eyes" got big again. _(Come on people; Venus, Venus, Venus!)_ "Now luv, I know this isn't necessarily a word but I'm gonna put it out there." He looked up and Gillian nodded very enthusiastically. "How about… 'va va voom'?" _(Finally!)_

Gillian put the list down and scooted closer to Cal till she was centimeters away. "You know, I have the overwhelming urge to kiss you. Say it again." Her "eyes" were starting to get watery. _(Do I even need to explain? Nah!)_

Cal said in his most lusty voice, "VA. VA. VOOM." Gillian's lips were on his before he could even finish 'voom'. After sucking face for a couple of minutes, they detached. He looked down at her body and asked, "So do I get to see your tits now?"

Gillian nodded, "Yup, come and get'em!" Cal started to rip off her clothes.

_(Okay, this is going to get M-rated very soon, so I am stopping it right here. Join me next time to explore the letter P!)_

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_**If you want you can add more to the list! Cal and Gillian are too busy getting it on!**


	2. P

**Hey, hey! So, some people wanted me to keep this going. So I am testing the waters. If you like it, then let me know! (Who doesn't like to read naughty words in a story? LOL!) Anywho, if I do decide to make this multi-chapter, then I might change the title. I was thinking "Alphabet Porn" but I want to hear what you think! I am open to any and many suggestions! As always, I don't own anything. Enjoy!**

**Rated for the extreme naughty words!**

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Gillian walked into Cal's office to drop off some paperwork. _(Okay, let's be honest, she wanted to play some more letter games.)_ When she walked in, Cal was sitting at his desk watching something on his computer screen. He looked up when she walked in. She sat down in the seat across from him and asked, "Whatcha watching?"

"Porn."

Gillian's eyes bugged out and exclaimed, "Porn!"

Cal looked at her and slyly said, "Yup, our porn to be precise."

Gillian got up and walked around to see this 'porn'. Sure enough, she saw her and Cal getting it on in her office. They sat there for a couple of minutes watching, then Gillian said, "Damn, that's kinda hot! I never knew I was a porn star! That must explain all the porn star parking I have been getting."

"What the hell is 'porn star parking'?" _(He seriously doesn't know what porn star parking is? I wonder if they call 'porn stars' something else in England.)_

Gillian tutted, "Porn star parking is where you get a very close parking spaces to the store." She walked back over to the chair across from him and sat down. "Seriously Cal, I better not see this on YouTube or something. And if you are going to give it a title, make it sexy one at that. Nothing too cheesy."

Cal grinned, "This is between me and you. Cross my heart and hope to die, stick a needle in my eye." _(Okay guys, when are we going to get to the good stuff? P! P! P! Speaking of which, I have to do that right now. I will be back.)_

Gillian leaned in closer and whispered, "Good, I am glad she is gone." Gillian started to think about the letter game.

Apparently so did Cal because he said, "Pony begins with P."

Gillian seemed lost in thought when she said, "How about 'Peter Pan'? I love that movie!"

"You know I played Peter in 'Peter Pan' when I was in grade school."

Gillian smirked, "You don't seem like the drama type. There was an ulterior motive to doing that play, wasn't there?"

Cal shrugged his shoulders, "No ulterior motives." _(Come on fess up!)_ Cal squirmed in his seat, "Okay, okay, I did the play because I had a crush on the teacher directing the play. Happy?"

Gillian _(and the author)_ nodded their heads. "How about pirates! I loved Johnny Depp in that movie! Them pirates were hot!"

Cal coughed and laughed at the same time. "Pirates? Johnny Depp? Now Blackbeard, I would accept, but Johnny Depp? Nah!" Cal shook his head.

"What the hell is wrong with Johnny Depp being a pirate? He was sexy as all hell and he kicked ass. Plus I think you are just jealous… bitch." Gillian crossed her arms and pursed her lips.

Cal threw his hands in the air. "Are you serious, woman? Johnny Depp as a pirate? He was nothing more than a pussy, which by the way begins with the letter P."

"Yeah? Well so does prick!" _(You go girl!)_

Cal thought for a moment and then said, "Pussy is better, which I get to see yours anytime I want!"

Gillian laughed and said, "You know, you have to make me a copy."

Cal's eyes got big._ (Okay people, you know the drill)._ He got up and went to sit down in the den. Gillian followed.

"You know Cal, we forgot a biggy; psychology."

Cal shook his head, "Nah, I won't take that one. It's like the word 'photo'; they both begin with the letter P but it doesn't make the P sound."

Gillian crinkled her brow, "Yeah, you're right. The English language is funny. How about Pac-man? I loved to play that game when I was growing up!"

Cal nodded, "I used to play Pac-man at this pizza joint down the road from my house."

They both looked at each other and said, "PIZZA!" together.

Gillian grabbed her stomach and said, "Duuude, I can go for a slice of pizza right now."

Cal nodded, "Yeah me too!"

Before Cal got up, Gillian said, "How about this, we go get a frozen pizza and have that for dinner, then we can play the P/P game and when we wake up we can have pancakes. I can make really good pancakes! They will make your mouth water."

Cal whispered, "Among other P things." He straightened up and asked, "What is the P/P game?"

Gillian stood up and stretched, "Duh, the pussy/ penis game!" _(DUH!)_

Cal stood up to, making sure to rearrange some things. "How old are you?"

Gillian smirked and "accidentally" brushed her hand across the top of his jeans, "Old enough to know how to play the game and to play it very well." She turned around and slinked towards the door. Before walking out of his office, she turned and said, "Oh, Cal, don't forget the porn."

Cal smiled and said, "Downloading it as we speak, Luv."

Gillian nodded and said, "I am going to get my purse. Meet me at the elevator?" Cal just nodded.

When they meet at the elevator, they walked in together. They immediately started to kiss passionately. Between breathes or kisses, Gillian said, "You know I hate PDA's."

Cal pushed her up against the wall and pressed the emergency button to stop the elevator from moving. "What the hell is a PDA?"

She stopped his kissing attack by placing her hand over his mouth. "Public Displays of Affection."

Cal slid his hand up her thigh and whispered, "There is no public here and the only ones that are going to see it are you and me." He pointed to a security camera in the corner. "It's linked to my office only. Care to make some more porn?"

Gillian answered him by grabbing his crotch. _(Okay, his penis!)_

_(Again, it is getting a little too M-rated for me and the kiddies who are under 17. Stay tuned for when we explore the letter F.)_

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_**Okay, so while Cal and Gillian are making another porn, be thinking of some F words! Again if you want me to continue, let me know. If you don't want me to continue, let me know! Thanks!**


End file.
